Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
