Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
