I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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