Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
