If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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