morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
