she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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