You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She told me I should be a condom model.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
