he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
