What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
