My balls are so social today.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
