look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
