I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
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