I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
