last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
