I wish my penis had an off switch
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
