people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
