Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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