Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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