I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
