i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
