i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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