id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
