Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
