there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
