what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
