wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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