i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
