Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
