the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
