Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
