Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
