When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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