Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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