I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
