Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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