You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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