Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
