I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
