took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
