Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
so much tequila, so little girl.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
