my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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