she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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