plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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