Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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