I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
