I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
