I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize