He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
