so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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