All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
