Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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