Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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