you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Quick, to the slutcave!
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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