They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
