After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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