My first STD was from a foam party
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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