Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
