My first STD was from a foam party
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
i need some magic done to my vagina
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
