just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
