i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
