So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
