her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
