Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Randomize
