Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Bring me that man meat
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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