Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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