alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
