yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
