I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize