sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
You can't motorboat a personality
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
